The NRL Lurker, myth or legend?

As an NRL tragic and now fantasy footy armchair ‘guru’, I am constantly surfing the net trying to get an inside scoop on who is injured, what the weeks line-ups will look like and what player transactions will occur and what is happening at NRL clubs around Australia.

Time and time again I come across an Internet Rugby League persona named “The Lurker”. Week in, week out I see the ‘ask Lurk’ segments on websites and Twitter, which are basically his Q & A sessions with the general rugby league community who want answers to their questions.

Now, this is not a personal attack on The Lurker, how could it be, I don’t know him. This is an attack on irresponsible, anonymously sourced and well, fabricated “journalism”. Apparently anyone with a smartphone and an Internet connection can tweet about stories and then pass information off as their own.

The information provided in The Lurker’s weekly Q&A sessions, to me, come across as info that has been just guessed or has come from other media outlets. I am claiming that The Lurker has no inside scoop. He is not being given information from any ‘inside’ source. He is taking info that has been reported in the media and passing this info off as his own ‘inside scoops and gossip’. I am not claiming to have any inside scoop on anything NRL related, but is does piss me off when someone is just guessing or just taking what the media has reported is fobbing it off as his own.

For example, let’s take a look at one of his recent entries…

Source: http://australia.sportingnews.com/list/4695982-the-lurker-st-george-illawarra-dragons-hunt-young-halves-luke-keary-kane-elgey-benji-marshall-out – 23rd February 2016.

Q1. Whats happening with Ben Teo? Surely the Broncos cant afford him?

Lurker: You never know, they have good accountants and would only be playing half a season.

Exactly right mate, YOU don’t know. Non-answer. The bloke never provides a yes or no answer.

Q2. Is Val Holmes staying at the Sharks?

Lurker: Will miss the fullback spot and wont be happy, rival clubs keen so start doing the maths.

Well we will have to do the maths mate because The Lurker obviously doesn’t have an answer. Gives himself an ‘out’ by speculating that other clubs will be keen on Holmes. Of course they will be, he’s one of the best young outside backs in the league! Thanks Guru.

Q3. Any possible titans signings by the end of round 13?

Hearing they are looking for some outside backs, ring the Bears?

Really mate? He is hearing that the worst team in the comp on paper that has the worst backline in the comp are looking for outside backs? WOW. I would love to know who is telling The Lurker these amazing secrets. I wonder if they told him that the Titans are also looking for props, back rowers and a hooker under the age of 60???

Q4. Are the Eels taking the NRL to court and do they have a chance of winning?

Lurker: Case is still going (as its been widely reported) and I hear he has a strong case.

Really mate? Who told him that? Who would know that a bloke who wasn’t paid what he signed a contract for would have a strong case in court? Another one from the murky “Lurky” crystal ball.

Q5. Will Jamie Lyon retire at the end of the year?

Lurker: Depends how he goes. His body is holding up so is going ok.

Really? Really?? It depends if his body holds up as to whether he will retire or not. That is the answer here? Really? Isn’t that what happens with just about every single retirement ever? The guy’s body breaks down so he retires. JUST SAY YOU HAVE NO IDEA! He says he thinks he will play again next year but if his body breaks down he will retire. Just, wow.

Q6: SBW to Roosters? Pearce punishment? Hayne to Eels?  JWH back early from injury?

Lurker: Done deal. NRL doesn’t know what to do. Hayne still a chance. He did come back early last year, tough man.

Yeah mate, its been widely reported for years that he was coming back after the Olympics. No, the NRL would know exactly what they are doing with Pearce. The reason The Lurker doesn’t know, is because the NRL are waiting for the Roosters to announce a punishment. The NRL will step in if the punishment isn’t harsh enough. He has no idea about Hayne, only what has been reported. Same with JWH. No idea what so ever.

Q8. Who are the Dragons keen on signing and who will be leaving?

Lurker: After a five-eighth, either Elgey or Keary.

For starters, no, they are not after a five-eighth, they are after a halfback. Benji’s contract is up at the end of the year and they would be mad to renew it if he isn’t absolutely killing it. Elgey plays halfback too, not five-eighth. Lurker here conveniently lists the two best young halves in the game who are off contract at the end of the year. Thanks for that big juicy nugget of insider info. The Lurker also completely ignores the second part of the question.

Q10. Who are the likely warriors centres for Round 1?

Lurker: Hurrell, Lolohea or Kata.

Blake Ayshford, enough said.

Q12. Where is Elgey off to? Will he stay at the GC?

Lurker: Has an option his way but will be in demand.

FUCKING REALLY?!?!?!?!?! One of the best young halfbacks in the game will be in demand when he is off contract?!?!?!? HOLY SMOKES. THAT’S UNREAL. Also The Lurker just ignores the questions asked. JUST SAY YOU DON’T KNOW!

Q17. Rein, Thompson, Marshall, Creagh all off contract, who stays who goes?

Lurker: Benji needs a big year, as does Creagh. Thompson and Rein should get new contracts with fair seasons.

FUCKING REALLY AGAIN? If they play like shit they wont get new contracts and if they kill it they will get new ones. Rocket Surgery right there. Thanks for that one again Scoop.

Q23. I’m told by a reliable source that Keary is thinking of playing union, it’s in his background.

Lurker: Maybe, has interest from the Dragons and at least one other club.

So, no idea about the union thing but says maybe to cover himself. Yep, you have said that a team struggling for halves is looking for one of the best young halves in the game, good – and wait, what, one other club? What club? Who told you that? Could it possibly be the club he is currently playing for?
In summary for this weeks all out assault on “The Lurker”… I don’t think he has any inside scooping ability and I reckon he does nothing but guess and post media that has already been published. He is aptly name The Lurker though, because he does nothing but Lurk around giving an answer.

I’ll be back after the next “Ask Lurker” session.

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Grumpy Young Man

The Grumpy Young Man is a man ahead of his geriatric years (although his hairline adds five years). He is angry about the current state of music on Triple J, local government call centres and lecturers that make him turn up to class. He loves his fantasy footy, but he hates it when a tap back off a bomb is given as a try assist on NRLCEO.

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