Playing By the Book
Ok I admit it – I’m not perfect. But then again, I never claimed to be any sort of NRL God. I am merely an NRL Prophet. An imperfect vessel whom which the Footy Gods speak through.
Unfortunately, I don’t speak deity so well, so the translation is occasionally off.
When I have my times of doubt and uncertainty, I turn to the Good Book.
The book that made me the Ballboy I am today. The book that tells us of how things came to be, how great men made great sacrifices and great change, and of course it tells us of inspiring principles by which we should try to live our lives.
That book of which I speak is ‘Hit Men: A Tribute to League’s Tough Guys” by Tony Adams.
From my understanding, Tony is some kind of a Rugby League High Priest, and the Good Book is the word of the NRL Gods handed down unto him.
Many of you are struggling to fill positions due to injuries and suspensions, and you are cursing the NRL Gods for your team’s holes. But what you don’t realise is that the Footy Gods work in mysterious ways.
This is a reading from the book of Piggins: “If a little halfback was making plenty of darting runs and giving us trouble, I’d see what effect a thumping would have on him.”
Invariably in todays game, the ‘thumper’ would be suspended, and the ‘thumpee’ would be ruled out for a week due to concussion precautions, but it would certainly allow two younger guys to rise up through the ranks and assume their places.
There are countless players in this league who have gotten their start filling in for injured and suspended players. And sometimes blokes who get the call-up can inspire moments of legend.
Times have changed, but the principles remain the same.
The Book of Sattler speaks of a young Sea Eagles forward, John Bucknall; “Bucknall was essentially a lower grader who only got into their team because a couple of other blokes were out injured.”
‘Who was John Bucknall?’ I hear you ask. ‘He’s no legend I’ve ever heard of.’
No, you probably haven’t heard of him. But I bet you’ve seen footage from the grand final John Sattler played with his jaw broken in three places. Bucknall was the man the Footy Gods sent to break the jaw that inspired the legend.
Praise be unto Him.
Ok, so that might be a stretch, but – you know. “Mysterious ways.”
Now let us open our Big League and turn to this weeks’ matchups.
SEA EAGLES v BULLDOGS
Manly, after several weeks in the wilderness, are finally starting to return to what would be considered a ‘normal’ line-up. DCE and Watmough are suspected to be playing, and if they do, that combined with the fact the game is to be played on the hallowed turf of Brookvale, the Dogs won’t stand a chance.
Sure they’re sitting on top of the ladder, but the Bulldogs will miss their Morris. This will be a close game, and I predict a few workhorse tries. Those blokes who go close each week are highly likely to get across the 40 mark. Jamie Lyon will reap the benefits of having his usual halves, and will slice through the Canterbury line to score at least once.
EELS v COWBOYS
The NRL Title Belt is on the line tonight when current holders travel from Townsville to Sydney’s West. There is every chance that last years’ Wooden Spoon winners will end up with the Belt, as they have been playing some great footy lately.
Well let’s be honest, Jarryd Hayne has. If Hayne plays well, the Eels play well. If not, the Cowboys will get their first road win for the year.
“We’ve got to give it to those Cane Toad bastards.” – Roach 1:63.
It’s common knowledge that Hayne is a religious man, and I’m certain I saw that bible reference written on his wrist during the last Origin match. The Origin where he gave his all, and won man of the match honours
With Peats and Lussick out injured, some of the Eels forwards will have to step their work rate up. You know what that means – potential workhorse efforts!
The Cowboys will be business as usual – some tries out wide, and I want to say another loss on the road, but who knows, if Parra’s new pack can’t go forward, North Queensland could get the win.
TITANS v PANTHERS
“I just lost the plot that day.” – Geyer 1:79
The only way that Penrith will lose to the Titans this weekend is if they lose the plot. The book of Geyer teaches us that the choices we make on the field can have long reaching repercussions. It is a guide to help us identify the enlightened footy path, and explains what happens when we don’t.
Penrith will win this game. It might be close, it might be a walkover. It all depends on if the Gold Coast show up for business. Either way, they’re in for a workout and Srama and co. could very well be in line for a few virtual 4 pointers.
The Panther forwards will get through far less work, and unless someone like Segeyaro or Peachy can slip through for a try, I wouldn’t expect any points from them.
I predict that new boy Isaah Yeo will back up his debut try last week with a second this week.
DRAGONS v SHARKS
The St George v Cronulla rivalry is one that goes right back to 1967 when the Dragons’ next door neighbours entered the competition. And to celebrate Southern Sydney’s greatest derby, they are playing the match in wonderful Wollongong.
As far as the ladder goes – this game is entirely unimportant. But as far as Dragons’ fans go, they will be hoping that the Virgin Mary can pop his coaching cherry to notch up his first NRL win against their nemesis.
For the Sharkies, it means trying not to pull on the loose threads of their patchwork team. Seriously, Gallen MIGHT play. Beau Ryan HAS retired. Fifita, Tupou, and Carney are STILL injured. It’s hard to forsee a Cronulla win here.
Unless you have Morris or Heighington, I don’t predict any workhorse tries from the Sharks. Maybe if Arona or Sopoaga are called into the starting side they can get one, but otherwise, nope.
St George Illawarra are almost in as big of a shemozzle with Benji having to slot into the side, and Morris out injured, it means that Dugan is playing in the centres and Quinlan is at fullback. You’d think that coach McGregor has lost the plot, but he hasn’t exactly had a chance to prove he has a plot.
My Crystal Steeden tells me this will be a high scoring (poor defending) game with plenty of tries from both backlines.
RABBITOHS v WARRIORS
Warriors away from home? Warriors loss.
Adam Reynolds to star. Play Bunny backs and Burgi if you have them. Avoid everyone else.
KNIGHTS v TIGERS
The poor old Knights just cant take a trick at the moment can they? Newcastle were towelled by a fairly warm Warriors outfit who run hot and cold interchangably every other week.
Harragon 1:99 ponders “Maybe that means we’re past the worst of it… I’d like to think that’s the case.” Unfortunately the Prophet Paul knows better. While the worst of the Novacastrians is yet to come, this week will provide some much needed levity.
James Tedesco is back for the Tigers, but for how long? One minute he was headed to Canberra, and now he’s not. Who knows what tomorrow might bring?
He should bolster a team that was killing the competition before his injury, and hasn’t looked threatening ever since. Like the Dragons/Sharks matchup, this will have very little effect on the ladder (save the avoidance of the spoon) but I forsee there being plenty of points in this match, and it having huge implications on fantasy tables throughout the NRLCEO competitions.
There will be lots of points on offer in the backs AND forwards via tries and workhorse rates. This is my Round 13 ‘Play ‘em if you got ‘em’ match of the week.
STORM v ROOSTERS
The makeshift Melbourne side was slightly more effective than I would have thought, due in most part to the inclusion of Cam Smith. I don’t think he will be enough, however, to get over a Roosters outfit who have been cruising in 5th gear, and are likely to knock the engine into 6th this week.
Hopefully, Mitchell Pearce has taken a lesson from the Book of Salvatori. Specifically Salvatori 1:95 – “I shouldn’t mellow, but in the modern game, you just cant afford to get into strife.”
If they can put the Mitchapalooza shenanigans behind them, Sydney are looking formidable. And because their halves aren’t featuring in Origin, they will be one of the strongest teams from now until the finals (injuries permitting.)
The Rooster backs will run riot, and the Storm backs will do just enough to keep the Sydney pack ticking towards their workhorse tally. I predict that the majority of the Storm’s starting forwards will notch up a workhorse try, and a couple of the bench forwards (read: Kenny Bromwich) will also go very close.
RAIDERS v BRONCOS
“Once I make the yards up the middle, the backs can make the most of the room that creates.” – Lazarus 1:75
There it is. The heart of what Rugby League is all about. Yet it is a concept that Ricky Stuart is struggling to grasp at the moment.
That being said, in the middle of the Origin period, in Canberra, and on Monday night, you can count on three things. 1. It’s going to be bloody cold, 2. No one handles cold Canberran night matches like the Raiders, and 3. The commentators will carry on ad nauseum about how friggin cold it is in Canberra on a Monday night. In fact, if you’re not watching the big Game of Thrones episode on Monday, this would make a hell of a drinking game; Drink every time a commentator makes mention of the temperature. Spoiler alert: You’ll be blind before they run out onto the field.
Regardless, the Raiders really suck at the moment, and Brisbane should win. I say SHOULD, because if it is REALLY cold, Canberra are a big chance.
I am wary about putting more faith in the Green Machine, but if some of their lesser known forwards can get a few big runs together, they can walk all over the Broncos. They can, but I doubt they will.
There you have it, my predictions for Round 13.
Now to use one of my favourite passages from the Good Book as written by the Prophet ‘Bumper’ Farrell; “Nobody is going to make a cream puff out of me.”
The Crystal Ballboy
Latest posts by The Crystal Ballboy (see all)
- Don’t Draft That Guy! - February 26, 2016
- New Season – New Ludicrous Predictions - February 26, 2015
- Where did we all go wrong? - September 4, 2014
