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NRL Lurker or Joker?

Grumpy Young Man

Grumpy Young Man

Hey GYM addicts. I’m back again with another Lurker smashing. Deadset, the bloke is a guessing machine. It’s all he does. Week after week he provides no insider insight what so ever into the NRL and what’s going on. GYM won’t stand for it.

 

Let’s take a look at his latest dribble: http://www.sportingnews.com/list/4700283-ask-the-lurker-queenslands-impressive-hookers-and-the-chooks-war-chest

 

Q1. Whats the news on Konrad Hurrell?

Lurker: Word is he is still going to the Titans when he gets NZ passport in a few weeks.

Well yeah, of course it is. Because nothing else has been reported about it. So until someone else reports that Hurrell is not going to the Titans any more, or anything else, Lurker won’t be able to answer this.

 

Q2. The rumour of JWH to the Warriors wont go away.

Lurker: Trust me – This WON’T happen.

Trust. Trust is such an important feature when building relationships. It always has and always will be. When a footy armchair expert has been burnt so many times, it’s near impossible to trust the Lurker again. It’s refreshing to see him actually guess at an answer though.

 

Q3. Will the Knights sign anyone before June 30?

Lurker: Its unlikely they will get anyone now, looking for a few players for next year. Would you go there?

Fucking really, Scoop. It’s also unlikely that any club will sign anyone before June 30, and every fucking club in the league is looking for a few players for next year. Fuck me dead. How does he type that and pass it off as an actual answer.

Would you go there? What a great rhetorical question from the maestro. I’ll answer it though. Would I go to Newcastle as a player if I was a fringe player looking for a regular first grade gig? Would I go there if I was an older prop looking to extend my career for a season or two? Would I go there if I was a fullback, hooker, prop looking to get a run? Would I go there if I was a strike back rower (eg Boyd Cordner) and they are going to pay me a fortune? Fuck yes I would.

 

Q4. Heard a rumour from a reliable source. Tamou back to the Roosters where he began.

Lurker: If they get Hayne and SBW, there would be no way they could afford him. I think he will stay in Townsville.

If the Roosters get Hayne and SBW, they wont be able to afford one of the best props in the game. FUCKING REALLY? Hayne and SBW would be two of the highest paid players in rugby league. IF they sign on the same team, yeah, there is no fucking way they would be able to afford him. Then again it’s the Roosters, so who the fuck knows, they could prob squeeze all three in, plus JT, Foran and Gillett. You think he will stay in Townsville mate, really? Why do you think that? Because it was reported that they are re-signing him until 2019 on the 16th of March? Or just a gut feeling? Cheers Scoop.

 

Q8. What’s doing with Elijah Taylor? 

Lurker: Missed the 17 twice after being named. Won’t be there in a week or two. Chance for the Tigers, Dragons or Warriors.

Ok, mark the date – Elijah Taylor wont be at the Panthers by mid April.

 

Q9. Anything happening with Norman at the Eels, will he re-sign? 

Lurker: I think he will stay, but he wont come cheap.

Why the fuck do you think he will stay mate? Was it because he recently came out and said he never wants to leave the Eels? Of course he wont come cheap, he’s a fucking good player. Amazing journalism there.

 

Q19. What is the possibility of the Tigers retaining both Brooks and Moses? 

Lurker: Slim, I think one will go. 

Again, why do you think that? Give us a source. Give us a reason to believe you. Give is something! Just a thought… wow! I woke up this morning and thought it was Saturday, I was fucking wrong. After losing Martin to the Panthers,  I think (based on nothing but common sense) the Tigers will keep both Moses and Brooks.

 

Q21. Sea Eagles looking for a big name forward, Please be Gillett!

Lurker: Half the league is looking at Gillett. 

This is the best answer Lurker has ever given. 100% common sense – but its still wrong. The ENTIRE league is looking at ways to get Gillett to their club.

 

Q25. Who will the Panthers keep from their list of off contract players?

Lurker: Gus has fixed their cap, can keep who they want.

So in other words, “I have no fucking idea”.

 

Q29. What are the chances of the Dragons getting Mbye or Elgey? 

Lurker: No to Mbye, a chance for Elgey. 

They may very well be a chance for Elgey but it will have to be in 2019 as he has already agreed to terms with the Titans to stay with them until then. SCOOP SCOOP.

 

Now, on to more pressing issues…

What the fuck is the point of the metre eater tries on NRLCEO? It’s total bullshit, and outside of a fullback or winger, it just comes down to luck. And a double meter eater, fuck me dead. Are we playing SuperCoach or NRLCEO? The scores will be out of control soon if they keep adding nonsense rules like this.

DEATH to the METRE EATER

 

Also, what about players with duel positions? For example, If I have Ben Barba – he is a five-eighth/fullback. So if I put him in the Five-eighth slot (even though he actually plays full back), he is eligible for five-eighth points. This makes sense, its one of the benefits of having a player that is duel position eligible.

So how come when I put Paul Carter in the hooker slot, even though he plays back row for the Rabbitohs, how-come he doesn’t fucking get the hooker double workhorse requirements? According to the numpties at NRLCEO he still has to get the stats for a back rowers double workhorse. It’s bullshit! IT MAKES NOT FUCKING SENSE. Whats the point of making him a duel position player if he isn’t eligible for both positions points!!!!

 

Till next time, if I don’t have a heart attack before then.

Fuck off.

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Grumpy Young Man

The Grumpy Young Man is a man ahead of his geriatric years (although his hairline adds five years). He is angry about the current state of music on Triple J, local government call centres and lecturers that make him turn up to class. He loves his fantasy footy, but he hates it when a tap back off a bomb is given as a try assist on NRLCEO.

Latest posts by Grumpy Young Man (see all)

Grumpy Young Man

The Grumpy Young Man is a man ahead of his geriatric years (although his hairline adds five years). He is angry about the current state of music on Triple J, local government call centres and lecturers that make him turn up to class. He loves his fantasy footy, but he hates it when a tap back off a bomb is given as a try assist on NRLCEO.