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Lashing the Lurker – again!

Grumpy Young Man

Stewart Lurker

The Grumpy Young Man is back again with a complete annihilation of ‘The NRL Lurker’s” Q&A session from the 2 March 2016.

Source: www.sportingnews.com/ask-the-lurker

 

Q1. How serious is Brett Stewart’s hammy, or is it his knee?

Lurker: A guy over 30 having hammie troubles before a ball is kicked sets off alarm bells in my head, he could be out a few weeks. 

It’s well documented he has dodgy hammies, so thanks for that one scoop. “He could be out a few weeks”, yeah or he could be out one week, or none! Great guess. Also, totally ignores the knee part of the question. Stewart had hammie issues when he was under 30 too, he always seems to recover well. He is in and out of the team all season. It’s been like that for years.

 

Q2. Buchanan to Salford, any truth?

Lurker: They are considering him, but he is under contract (if that means anything in 2016).

A Super League side looking to pick up a fringe first grade prop? NEVER! Another brilliant non-answer.

 

Q3. Any chance of Josh Hoffman to St. George?

Lurker: Was a month ago, doubtful now.

So in other words, on the day that round 1 kicks off in 2016 you don’t think there will be any player exchanges. SCOOP! Just say you have no idea mate.

 

Q5. News on Rochow?

Lurker: A few clubs chasing for next year but I think he will stay at the Knights.

Of course there are, he is a quality man with all the potential in the world, and he is also off contract at the end of the year. There is a running theme with Lurker. If a player is off contract he automatically says that there are a number of teams chasing him.

Just admit you have no inside news on what he is going to do, say you don’t know, because your opinion on where you think he is going to say just doesn’t mean anything.

 

Q6. Is Foran going to play?

Lurker: Doesn’t look good. 

FUCKING REALLY?!?!?! Yeah it doesn’t, because all the media reporting it are saying that he is very little change of playing. Lurker can’t say whether he is going to play or not because he has no more insider knowledge than you or me.

 

Q7. How long do you think Pearce should get? 

Lurker: No more than a month. 

Firstly, why do people even ask him questions like this. Why do people think his opinion on this stuff carries any weight?

Secondly, his punishment was handed out on the 3 March and Pearce was given eight weeks and a $125k fine. So wayyyyyyy off Lurker’s opinion.

 

Q8. Will Watmough retire?

Lurker: I would say yes, but not for a few weeks to work out his $$$ 

Should read, “I will guess yes, and common sense tells me it will take a while to sort it out because he was on a multi-year big money deal.”

 

Q10: Will Cody Walker hold out Keary?

Lurker: He is a chance, Keary could struggle to retain his spot.

So in other words, I HAVE NO IDEA. Common sense tells me that when a player has a fight with the owner he may struggle to make the side, common sense also tells me that when a guy is off contract at the end of the season, other clubs will come chasing him – so if he signs somewhere else he may not get his spot back. Common sense also tells me that Keary is a very good young player who will more likely than not, get his spot back after his suspension. So yeah, NO IDEA.

 

Q11. Should the NRL stop advertising Alcohol and Gambling?

Luker: Good question, needs to be regulated but it brings in much needed cash. 

Again, why are people asking his opinion on this stuff?

Secondly, yes, it is a good question it also has a fucking simple answer. Yes. Yes they should stop advertising drinking and gambling. SEE LURK, ITS THAT FUCKING EASY TO GIVE AN ANSWER.

 

Q13. Is Watmough’s retirement helping Parra not lose competition points?

Lurker: Yes, solves lots of their problems. 

Wait, so you do know Watmough is retiring? Or you are just guessing after all the media speculation. Are you saying that freeing up a few hundred grand puts them back under the salary cap? Are you saying that this reeks like the Gasnier situation when he came back? Come on mate, give us some sources for your info.

 

Q14. Who will stay and who will go from the Storm?

Lurker: I believe Cronk will go to Sydney, most of the rest will stay.

Yes mate its been wildly speculated that Cronk will go to the Dragons or another club in Sydney. It’s also been reported that he will stay. Who is most of the rest? Which ones? What a non-answer.

 

Q21.  The dogs have asked the Warriors about Hurrell?

Lurker: Hurrell has been shopped but is staying in NZ.

This is how bad the Lurker’s inside knowledge is. The same day Lurker’s article came out it was reported that Hurrell will be going to the Titan’s, or was at least in talks with the Titans. Lurker doesn’t even mention them even though other news outlets have. If he actually had any inside knowledge, he would have know n that. Come on mate.

 

Q.23 Who will play halfback for NSW?

Lurker: Not Pearce, he will be barred as a part of his punishment… maybe Adam Reynolds.

This is why I love the Lurker. His answers are layered like an stripper just starting her shift.

  1. So he tells us that he knows Laurie wont pick Pearce – even though Loz has stated that Pearce is still in the mix.
  2. He knows what the punishment for Pearce will be, even though it was only announced a day after his article was published (and there is no mention what so ever of a SOO ban and his guess was miles off).
  3. HE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHO THE HALFBACK WILL BE…. Just like any of us, he has a guess and says the first name that comes to mind. He doesn’t even bother to mention the most obvious bloke, who is the fucking incumbent NSW halfback. Not to mention the fact that Pearce played five-eighth last year for NSW!

 

Now, to address some of last weeks bombshells from the Lurker.

  • The Dragons have today offered Benji a one year contract only a week after The Lurker said he was going to be ‘cut’.
  • Luke Keary has expressed an interest in going to rugby, which was a question from a fan that Lurker had no idea about.

 

Ladies and Gents, as you can see, the Lurker still has no idea and can barely even provide a yes or no answer to any of the questions asked to him. I really hope this bloke is not getting paid for his articles!

Until next time.

GYM.

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Grumpy Young Man

The Grumpy Young Man is a man ahead of his geriatric years (although his hairline adds five years). He is angry about the current state of music on Triple J, local government call centres and lecturers that make him turn up to class. He loves his fantasy footy, but he hates it when a tap back off a bomb is given as a try assist on NRLCEO.

Latest posts by Grumpy Young Man (see all)

Grumpy Young Man

The Grumpy Young Man is a man ahead of his geriatric years (although his hairline adds five years). He is angry about the current state of music on Triple J, local government call centres and lecturers that make him turn up to class. He loves his fantasy footy, but he hates it when a tap back off a bomb is given as a try assist on NRLCEO.