Health and Heroes
Correcting gibberers, and getting our geek on. That, and some semi-accurate predictions are all in a bye-week’s work for the Crystal Ballboy! Let’s rip into it, shall we…
So the boys from the Moneyball podcast are putting some cash on the Panthers to miss the top 8 this year. The boys from Moneyball are talking out their arses.
Penrith will finish in the top 3. I have foreseen it.
They argue that the Mountain Men have had an easy draw, and gotten some cheap wins. Looking at their run home, I predict they’ll only lose 3 maybe 4 matches and slide on into the top half of the 8.
But the real secret to their success is Ronnie Palmer.
Every year, the team that takes out the premiership title seems to be the one that can stay the most injury free, and keep their key stars on the field.
The Sharks are on the bottom of the ladder, due in large part, to their team being comprised primarily of NSW Cup players. They couldn’t even keep Beau Ryan healthy, that’s how bad they’re going!
Ronnie “The Cougar” Palmer was the head trainer with the Roosters when they won the comp in 2002, the Titans when they finished 3rd then 4th on the ladder, and has been with the Blues for as long as anyone cares to remember.
He’s the bloke that puts the boys through gruelling preseason training to get them in good shape for the season. He also makes sure that they’re fighting fit for each and every game.
Looking at their injury list, the Panthers only have George Jennings and Isaac John out for the year – and they’re easily covered. Wes Naiqama, Lewis Brown, and Elijah Taylor are all due back in the next week or so (if they can find a way into the top team).
Unless there is a HUGE disturbance in the Panther camp they are on track to a comfortable top 8 finish.
Manly have somehow bucked the injury=loss trend, but the Storm are becoming a mild drizzle without their key stars. The Bulldogs should be able to cover Morris’ injury, and the Rabbitohs are doing their best to cover Inglis. But where the Panthers have the advantage, is that they have no superstars that if out injured, would make that big of a difference to the team.
I got a bit of a shout-out from the Tantasy lads and NRLCEO big Kahuna, JB this week on their show, and even the Moneyball lads gave me a mention. Who knew anyone was actually reading this column!?!? Thanks guys.
Now with a total readership of five, I feel like this column should be funnier. At the moment, it seems like a 500 word essay on “Why the Moneyball Blokes are Wrong.”
Here goes nothing…
Supernova (the comic-book/sci-fi/gaming Pop Culture Expo) hits Sydney this weekend, so in the hopes of keeping relevant, here are what each of the teams would be if they were some sort of geek icon.
Broncos – Street Fighter
Incredibly popular since the early 1990’s and have sported several classic line-ups. Despite not having characters as popular as when it was first released, some modern incarnations have had some beloved icons. There are also far better games on the market now though…
Bulldogs – Pokémon
Ash Hasler is trying to become the greatest trainer ever. Originally he started out with a Braviary team, but he has since evolved it into a Snubbull team. If you’ve ever heard some of the stuff he says in press conferences, it’s obvious he has some large Pokeballs. “I choose you Kris Inu!”
Cowboys – Judge Dredd
Ostensibly the story of one dominant man in a helmet.
Dragons – The Avengers
They’ve been around forever in many incarnations and with various line-ups, but despite being the most successful team, it’s only been since 2008 that they came into the mainstream consciousness and anyone really cared about them.
Eels – The Galactic Empire
Lead by Darth Hayne, the rest of the Parramatta Empire is comprised of a whole heap of Stormtroopers, who without their leader, are completely useless, and susceptible to Ewok attacks.
Knights – Firefly/Serenity
Captain Malcolm Gidley leads a mish-mash crew of rebellious characters aboard a rickety craft, that’s held together with little more than duct-tape and love. “I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I – “ Alex ‘Wash’ McKinnon.
Panthers – Batman
Came onto our screens in the late 60’s, had some success in the late 80’s/early 90’s, lost their way and became a joke through the rest of the 90’s. People have started taking them much more seriously since Gus Gould’s recent gritty reboot of the franchise.
Rabbitohs – He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
They were very popular (and powerful) in the 1980s, and despite a few attempts of revival, they still have not been able to relive the glory days.
Raiders – Alpha Flight
Of all the Marvel superhero teams, they are amongst the lesser known and least popular, and they also hail from the colder climates, essentially being “Canada’s answer to the Avengers.” They have an ok line-up of characters, but none of them would be likely to star on any of the more popular teams.
Roosters – Disney Princesses
The most glamorous characters team up to become one of the most popular franchises – amongst girls.
Sea Eagles – Superman
Despite several injuries this year, Manly seem almost invincible. Brookvale is like their Fortress of Solitude, where no one but Manly fans want to go. Also – everyone prefers Batman.
Sharks – Aquaman
The Justice League’s Atlantean ruler offers nothing, and on land, is even more useless. In some versions of the comic, Aquaman has an amputated hand, which would account for the Sharkies infirmary ward. They have friendly rivalries with Batman and Superman, but pose little threat to either.
Storm – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
They are trained by an old rat, and there are only really 4 who matter.
Tigers – Farscape
A diverse ensemble of characters (that also feature a few muppets) that are desperately looking for a wormhole back to a time when they actually mattered.
Titans – My Little Pony
A recent reboot of an 80’s classic, that is wildly popular amongst a small but passionate (albeit bizarrely obsessed) fan-base.
Warriors – Stargate
A rag tag team travel to far-off places, with few weapons and little preparation, having no idea of wether they’ll leave the land successfully or even if they’ll be completely intact.
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NRL ROUND 14
A few weeks ago, I made a prediction that Paul Carter would be a superstar. However, I didn’t necessarily say that he would be a superstar for the Titans… The Gold Coast have stood Carter down immediately, and if he is let go by the, he would certainly make a great addition to the Raiders, who could pick up a talent on a budget.
Rabbitohs v Tigers
Robbie Farrah means sooo much more to the Tigers than Greg Inglis does to the Bunnies. With both of them out through Origin, Wests have the larger hole, that their forwards wont be able to fill – even though several will notch up workhorse tries. If you can pick up Rabbitohs backs in your league, I highly suggest it, Souths will romp it in, in this match.
Panthers v Dragons
DWZ was named this week, and many people jumped at the chance to recruit the rising star – only to wake up this morning to realise that he has been suspended for 4 weeks for eye-gouging in the NSW cup.
I’ve already harped on about how well I expect Penrith to go this season, and this isn’t one of the losses I expect them to have. The Sowie v Benji showdown looms as a promising matchup, with Jamie coming into a bit of form, and Benji finally starting to gel with his new team. I foresee that both will set up a few tries each.
I predict a lot of blokes will go close to workhorse tries in this match, but only a few will actually get any. Most of you probably don’t have the luxury of sitting players this bye week, but if you can, these would be the ones I’d rest.
Roosters v Knights
I had such high hopes for Newcastle this season. Now, if you have a spare hundred in the bank, you could be their next owner.
The Roosters will pulverise the Knights, and Minichiello will cross for more than one try. The upside is, that the Newcastle forwards will get through a high volume of defence, and several will notch up a workhorse tally.
If you can recruit the blokes called up to cover the Roosters Origin stars, it could very well pay off for you. Additionally, the last time Josh Mantellato played for Newcastle, he was their first choice goal kicker, so he is worth considering if your kicker is out this round.
Bulldogs v Eels
There’s something really satisfying about seeing these two clubs play in their 80’s styled jerseys. Though unlike the 80s, where most of the NSW backline were Parra players, there is only Hayne and Hoppa repping the blue and gold.
And like the Tigers, Hayne’s absence will prove too big of a hole for the Eels to fill. Yeah, the Dog’s halves are also out, but they don’t rely on them as much as Parra does Hayne.
Now Peats is out for the year, someone is going to have to step up in the forwards for Parramatta. So if you have Eels forwards, might be time to play them – just in case.
Josh Jackson is lining up in the centres and this will kill his work-rate. I have foreseen it, and he won’t get his workhorse try this week. Play him though, as the Canterbury-Bankstown backline will still score several actual tries.
Titans v Storm
We all know how woeful Melbourne are without their Origin stars, but are the Titans better than that? We’ll find out on Monday night – after the Game of Thrones season finale, which should be much more thrilling.
With Dave ‘Hodor’ Taylor being called into the Maroons’ camp, and Paul Carter given the Jorah Mormont treatment, Mark Minichiello has done a Beric Dondarrion with his first grade career being resurrected. Mark used to score workhorse tries sporadically, and was always handy to have on your team’s bench. So if you need to fill out your 17 this week, you could do worse.
It’s hard to see where any points are going to come from in this match. Time to consult the Crystal Steeden…
Apparently this is going to be won up the middle. Both teams’ hookers will be the catalysts for points in this game. I have foreseen that both will set up tries, and may even cross the stripe themselves. In the past, Brisbane’s ‘Baby Broncos’ had to step up during Origin, and now it’s time for Melbourne’s ‘Chance of Light Showers’ to come into first grade, take centre stage, and get the tight win in this low scoring affair.
The Crystal Ballboy
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