Easter Mass and Easter Maths
It’s Easter time again, and while fantasy footy never takes a holiday, NRLCEO’s attention still turns to eggs and Jesus.
Firstly: eggs. Not the chocolatey, bunny-brought, foil-wrapped eggs that so many of you will eat yourselves sick on come Sunday morning. But the disappointing duck eggs that several of the bigger names in fantasy footy are currently sitting on.
We all go into the draft rooms at the beginning of the season with high expectations of certain players – and rightly so. We sweat over and scour through last seasons’ statistics to try and get our predictions down to a science. Is this second rower a ball-running try-scorer? Is he on a high scoring team? Does a particular winger play outside of a ball-hogging centre? Did he rack up a lot of tackles and hit-ups in 2013? Is his team likely to do a lot of defence this year? Which round will Justin Hodges sustain his season ending injury this year?
Regardless of what you were thinking preseason, it’s now round 7, and predictions don’t mean crap.
Lets count our eggs.
Despite some unexpected onfield success, Moimoi, Terepo, Pauli, Lussick, and Ben Smith have duck eggs next to their fantasy tallies. Equally surprising are the results for the Titans, but Brad Takairangi, and Ryan James are yet to score fantasy points.
Dan Hunt is known in fantasy footy circles as a workhorse machine. Yet in 2014 he has not yet managed to get on the board. The Dragons have been one of this seasons’ bigger surprise packets, so it’s not a big shock that Hunt, Joel Thompson, and Bronson Harrison haven’t made their usual amount of tackles. What is shocking, is that despite winning a fair few games and chalking up some big scores, Josh Dugan hasn’t been able to get any points for the Dragons, or for CEO’s – and that was after he was named #1 Goal Kicker!
Mitch Brown has been another disappointment for CEO’s with his duck egg at the Doggies, as has Justin O’Neill at the Storm. They, like Rabbits recruit Lote Tuqiri will be hoping the Bunny brings a four pointer them this Easter to get them off the mark.
There have been duck eggs for the entire Sharks team on occasion, so it shouldn’t surprise people to hear that Sosaia Feki hasn’t gotten on the board. Though it’s astounding that Bryce Gibbs hasn’t managed to get himself a workhorse try.
Manly are motoring along ok thus far, but their captain King is yet to prove his fantasy worth. The same can be said for Tommy Symonds.
‘Big Keiffy’ Galloway has not yet gotten a big workhorse try, and neither has Cory Paterson. Their Tigers teammate, Marika Koroibete, hasn’t scored yet either.
Sika Manu was a points machine for the Panthers last year, but has not yet provided anything of value to NRLCEO’s. Nor have teammates Brent Kite, Tyrone Peachey, Sam McKendry, or Tom Symonds.
The Warriors have been all over the shop, so it’s no surprise to see Feleti Mateo, Ngani Laumape with a big fat ‘0’ next to their names. The Knights have also struggled so far this year, and so too have Willie Mason and Zane Tetevano.
Matthew Allwood is travelling well for the Raiders, but not so much for CEO’s with him in their team.
Cowboy, Glenn Hall hasn’t had the impact some CEO’s had expected this year. Though he has had more game time than teammate Ashton Sims who joins him on 0 points.
Frank-Paul has displayed few “wrecking ball” like performances in fantasy circles to date in 2014. Stranger still is Dan Mortimer’s lack of points at the Roosters.
WWJD – What Would Joey Do?
2014 has provided so much disappointment. But ye of little faith should still hold onto hope – for Easter is a time for resurrection!
Just like Jesus, many players will rise from the dead to fantasy glory. Though none play for the Warriors. The only guys there that will do well, will be their top tacklers who rack up the big numbers.
Before long, the Eels will re-find some of their form that saw them take out 2013’s wooden spoon, and their forwards’ work-rates will rise. Similarly, the Dragons’ overachieving will soon cease and Dan Hunt will become many teams’ new-found saviour. If Hunt is available in your competition, grab him now.
Glenn Hall, with some divine inspiration, should return back to the path of the righteous, and rack up some workhorse tries for you.
The Tigers will once more be forsaken, and cast unto the depths of the NRL ladder. Only then will their forwards start to perform on the fantasy scoreboards.
The Bible denounces gambling, so during this religious period, I remind you all, to steer clear of recruiting Sharks and Panthers. The Bible, however, says nothing about stupid fantasy recruiting decisions, so by all means, pick up some Titans players!
So for now, I’m off to pray to NRL Jesus and hope that my under-performing players can go from fantasy sinners to CEO saints.
If that doesn’t work – next week’s column will be devoted to NRL Buddha.
-The Crystal Ballboy.
The Crystal Ballboy
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