We Don’t Need Another Hero
The big news in league this week is two-fold. The Rise For Alex round, and the release of Marvel Superhero themed jerseys for Round 21.
Being an equally huge NRL and Marvel fan, naturally, this news gave me a raging nerdgasm.
The hero-team alignments seem a little off to me (seriously – Manly in Eels colours!?), but I understand the need to pair up the A-list heroes with the teams who have jerseys supplied by the manufacturer that made the deal with Marvel.
Meanwhile, I am going to list who should be the most appropriate, in terms of matching team mascots, as well as which hero matches each team’s colours.
Broncos
Beta Ray Bill is a horse-like alien that somehow is able to lift Thor’s hammer, and for a time, took on Thor’s costume and abilities.
Batroc the Leaper is a Frenchman who has the power to jump long distances, and was briefly featured in the most recent Captain America film. In addition to his stereotypically evil moustache, he wears a maroony-pink and yellow costume that is the closest in colour to the Broncos colours of anyone in the Marvel universe.
Bulldogs
The Inhumans are alien warriors living on Earth (from time to time). They travel around the universe by means of a super strong alien bulldog, named Lockjaw, who has the power to teleport people.
Surprisingly, there are very few Marvel heroes who wear just blue and white. The pick of them is probably one of the X-Men founding 5, Angel. Though his blue furred teammate, Beast, might be slightly more appropriate for the Canterbury Bankstown team.
Cowboys
Wolverine’s Weapon-X teammate, Maverick, would sound like he would be a Cowboy themed hero, but he is instead a German mutant who in the Wolverine: Origins film is played by an Asian (go figure!) Instead, I’m going with Phantom Rider, who was originally Marvel’s original Ghost Rider.
Colourwise, I’m going with the X-Men’s Cannonball, who in addition to wearing blue and yellow, speaks with a Kentucky hillbilly/yokel accent that seems somewhat appropriate for a North Queensland team.
Dragons
Fin Fang Foom is a Alien/Chinese dragon who can fly and spit acid, and who is one of Iron Man’s greatest foes. IRONically (haha geddit?!) ISC has decided to make the Dragons wear an Iron Man jersey in Rd 21.
Vindicator (also known as Guardian or Weapon Alpha) is essentially the Canadian equivalent of Captain American, and is leader of Alpha Flight, the Canadian equivalent of the X-Men. Naturally, he wears a Canadian flag inspired red and white costume that would be a decent hero replacement for the Red V.
Eels
Eel is a lesser-known D-list villain, who occasionally threw down against Marvel’s B-List heroes. Parramatta aren’t THAT terrible, so I’m going to pair them with Constrictor – a somewhat cooler villain who occasionally is an anti-hero. Plus he wears an orangey-yellow and blue costume, and has a snake theme – so that’s kind of appropriate for an Eels team.
Colourwise, the majority of the X-Men (at one time or another) have worn a blue and yellow costume. But for Parramatta, I am picking the X-Men’s field leader Cyclops as the most appropriate in honour of the Parra fansite, 1 Eyed Eel.
Knights
Avenger, and Defender, the Black Knight seems a no-brainer on this one. He wears blue and red armour that also has some yellow markings, making it not that dissimilar to Newcastle’s original jerseys that had yellow numbers.
If the Black Knight wasn’t perfect enough a choice, I suppose Newcastle could always settle for Marvel’s poster-boy Spider-Man. Despite several different costumes over the years, Spidey’s most iconic suit is coloured the same blue and red as the Knights. Spidey has, as yet, never worn a costume with the same colours as a coal miner’s hi-viz uniform.
Panthers
Penrith Panthers = Black Panther. Does any more need to be said about how perfect the Wakandan King is for the Mountain Men?
If we HAVE to pick a second colour-themed costume, I’d have to go with Wolverine, who wore a shitty brown costume throughout the bulk of the 1980’s – much like Penrith did.
Rabbitohs
In sticking with the rodent themed powerhouses, Squirrel Girl is an apt match for South Sydney. Like the Bunnies, Squirrel Girl has a very passionate support base, and has taken down several of Marvel’s major supervillians.
As far as colours go, as far as I can tell, there are no red and green themed heroes or villians. They all include (at least) a third colour. In this instance, I’m picking Doc Samson. Despite being a good guy, the Doctor (who gained his powers in a gamma explosion similar to the Hulk) often battles the Hulk. Fun fact – pre explosion Dr Leonard Samson appeared in the Ed Norton Hulk film, played by Phil from ‘Modern Family.’ 
Raiders
The Cowboys will be wearing the Thor themed jerseys, but I can’t help but think that the Norse God would be more appropriate on the Norse themed team.
There are plenty of green themed heroes/villians (Electro, Doc Octopus, Iron Fist, Banshee, Vision, Phoenix, Ronin, Vulture, Sandman, Mysterio, and so on) but the Green Machine are probably best represented by the wrecking machine that is the Hulk.
Roosters
The Captain America jersey looks pretty sweet, I must admit. And because there are no chicken themed Marvel heroes, the closest I could think of are villains Owl and Vulture. All three seem like birds no one would pick as first choice for a team mascot, so in that regard, I feel like they’re appropriate choices.
As far as colours go, red, white and blue is a fairly popular combination. But in this instance, I’m going to have to concede to ISC and admit that Captain America (with the little white wings on his helmet) is the perfect choice for the Sydney jersey.
Sea Eagles
I want to make the argument that the Falcon (Captain America’s flying buddy) is an appropriate choice for the bird of prey themed Manly Warringah jersey, but in this instance, I feel like Hawkeye is a far superior choice.
Not only is there the Hawk-Eagle connection, but lately the Avenging archer has been donning a maroonish-purple and black themed costume.
There aren’t many (if any) Marvel characters that wear maroon, so I’m saying that Hawkeye is as close as we can get.
Sharks
Like Cronulla-Sutherland, Tiger Shark is a B-list character that rarely gets the upper hand when battling heroes like Namor or the X-Men.
Both the Sharks and the Fantastic Four wear black, white, and blue, they have been around since the 60’s, and like Cronulla’s wins – there’s only 4 of them.
Storm
Like the Panthers – Black Panther match-up, the Storm – Storm pairing is equally a no brainer. Heck, even one of her many costumes throughout the years has a lightning bolt on it, like a Melbourne alternate jersey a few years back.
There is also an argument to be made for Ms. Marvel, who has worn a bolt emblazoned costume for longer, but Storm is just too good.
If we’re going to design a jersey based on colours, then it’s hard to look past Daredevil villain, the Purple Man. But I’m going to, because the Green Goblin is just so much cooler!
Tigers
My first thought is to pick the Avenger, Tigra for Wests. And it would seem a fine choice. But that is until you learn of a little known villain, Flying Tiger who is a perfect representation of the merged Tigers and Magpies club.
Titans
Due to the region’s laid back lifestyle and beach culture, the Silver Surfer seems like a good choice for the Gold Coast. Even more so when you consider that you never quite know if each week, the Surfer is going to be a good guy or a bad guy – much like the Titans performance on the field.
As far as colours, it’s hard to look past the Marvel Universe’s big bad guy, Thanos (who coincidentally was born on Titan).
Warriors
Warpath is an X-Men character who is a powerful Native American warrior. His X-Force costume is a perfect choice for the New Zealand Warriors when they decide not to wear one of their 17 non black and silver jerseys.
Thanks to my fantastic Coin of Destiny, I was able to predict all of last weeks winners. Why not try and keep the streak alive and see how well it can tip this weeks games. Heads is the home team, tails the away. Heads is a thrashing, tails is a tight match.
Sharks v Cowboys
Heads! Oh boy. Straight outta the gate, the coin is tipping a huge upset, especially when you consider Captain Gallen is out.
By a lot? Tails. Naturally, if they Sharks are going to win, it will be a close one.
Eels v Rabbitohs
Heads. Ok, it’s official – the coin has gone off the deep end. Souths are just about back to full strength, but maybe having Hayne back in the team will be enough to get the Eels home.
Tails. Another close one. Makes sense. I cant help but wonder how the Coin of Destiny thinks the Bunnies are gonna lose this one, but it’s hard to argue with last weeks perfect round.
Roosters v Panthers
Heads. Finally some sanity from the Coin! Although the Roosters have named backup wingers, Penrith’s backline has had to reshuffle to cover the cursed #6 jersey that seems to claim a new victim to injury each week.
Heads. The coin says that the Roosters will rack up quite a score. Makes sense when you consider how often the Monday night teams struggle to back up on Saturdays.
Storm v Raiders
Tails. Woah… I know that Canberra can occasionally be a bogey team for Melbourne, but I wouldn’t have expected the Raiders to win this week. The coin says otherwise.
By a lot? Tails. If the Raiders are to win, it wont be because they score a huge amount of points, it will be because Melbourne fail to score enough. It makes sense if you think about it…
Broncos v Warriors
Heads. The Broncos will be stinging after their narrow loss on Monday, and with the Warriors away from home, of course they’re gonna lose!
By heaps? Heads. Sounds like Brisbane were REALLY stinging from that loss. The Coin of Destiny says that Brisbane will score big!
Knights v Titans
Tails. Titans to spoil Newcastle’s Rise For Alex party. I am going to strongly disagree with this one, as the only convincing win the Knights had this year was immediately after Alex McKinnon’s injury. I believe the emotion will be enough to get them the win. The coin says otherwise.
By a lot? Heads. No way in hell are the Titans going to steamroll the Knights in Newcastle. The Coin is nuts!
Tigers v Bulldogs
Tails. Bulldogs should prove that they are deserving of their top 4 spot, and get over the top of the Tigers.
Heads. Yep, it’s gonna be a long day at ANZ for Wests fans, as the Bulldogs run in try after try.
Dragons v Sea Eagles
Heads. In yet another ridiculous upset tip, the coin is predicting the Dragons will get the 2 points over Manly and knock them from the top of the NRL ladder.
Heads. Apparently the Dragons are not only going to beat the Sea Eagles, but they’re going to flog the pants off them.
Just quietly – I think that if you’re going to have a wager, you may be better off going against everything the coin predicted…
Until next week, when I find an even more random way to tip – best of luck!
The Crystal Ballboy
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