Widdle Baby Want Pwedictions?
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen! It’s the column you forgot you loved.
The Crystal Ballboy is back, not telling you how it is, but telling you how it might be!
This last week saw some shenanigans away from the sidelines, where some NRL players and personalities behaved quite immaturely. Enough has aready been said on those matters, so instead of going over that ground again, I’m gonna power on. BUT, in honour of those immature guys, this week’s column will be dumbed down for them.
Firstly, lets get back to basics, and remember our ABC’s – NRLCEO-style!
A is for Arch-Rival, you’ve got one in every comp.
He’s the guy who had Shaun Johnson when his game became a romp
B’s for Benji Marshall, who wasn’t named to play this week,
You recruited him, just on a whim, now could be up shit creek
C is for the CEO who picked the guy that you were after
The bloke you booted’s now been recruited, and it’s turned into disaster.
D is for your dumbass Draft, before the season started.
Croker, Carney, Barba, Boyd – your picks now look retarded.
E’s for almost Everyone, who seems to outscore you.
Up by one, five mins to go. Sin bin! Great, minus two.
F is for the Freakin’ refs, of course that’s not a try!
The whistle blares, “least go upstairs!” S’enough to make you cry.
G is for the Game time, fast approaching Friday eve.
You get so fired, that you just might’ve forgot to name your team.
H is for the Hail Mary you need to win on Monday night
If Chris McQueen can score 16, your game just could be tight.
I is for the Idiots you play against all year.
You call them ‘friends’ but that depends, on if they whip your rear.
J is for the Jackass who likes to start a blue.
It’s good to see a punch or three, ‘cept when he plays for you.
K is for the ‘Kicker’, wait – who’s lining up to take that shot?
It was supposed to be the other guy; the one you’ve actually got.
L is for the ‘Late Mail’, you read each Friday morn.
Your half in doubt, has been ruled out, and all the spare ones gone.
M is for the Moron, the bloke that goes out on the piss.
Then weed and coke, he goes the grope; a few rounds he’ll now miss.
N is for New Recruits, the guys from the lower grade.
You hope they go well in the NRL, despite not having played.
O is for Of Origin, which can leave you in a State.
Half the boys you own, in Blue and Maroon, and you realise too late.
P is for the Points you score to stay right in the hunt.
The other team’s scored more it seems, because he is a cheat.
Q is for the Queensland teams, the Bronc’s the Tit’s, the ‘Boys.
Derbies lift players, to higher layers, amid atmosphere and noise.
R is for the Restful Bye, the teams with the week off.
Your draft mind lapsed, team’s full of gaps, and now your squad looks soft.
S is for Selections; do I pick the nuffy or the dud.
No matter who you choose, you’re gonna lose, ‘cause his replacement’s just as crud.
T is for Tuesday nights, when new recruits all hit the board.
The bloke you want has kicking points, so now you cant afford.
U is for the Useless bloke, named on Cronulla’s wing
He was ok, back in his day, since: hasn’t done a thing.
V is for the Victories, so sweet when they are yours.
When you’re beat, ‘the ref’s a cheat’ and hookers play like whores.
W is for the Workhorse rate, your forward’s getting close.
Coach throws a wrench, called to the bench, your chance says ‘Adios!’
X is for the No Try sign, the ref makes with his hands.
“Thank god” you cry, “It’s not a try,” but video ref has other plans.
Y is for Jharal Yow Yeh, “Oh why was he recruited?!?”
“I should’ve took someone less crook, ‘cause now my team is rooted.”
Z is for the Z’s you catch watching Sharks games Sat’dy night.
But you have four, who need to score, if you’re to stay right in the fight.
So now we have that covered, let’s grow up and get into some predictions…
Souths’ halves pair Sutton and Reynolds will be absolutely on fire tonight as they press for Origin selection, and what better team to do it against than the one sporting most of the Maroon’s playmakers – Melbourne?
This matchup should also produce Workhorse Tries a-plenty. Both have big packs who get through a lot of runs and tackles, so if you have forwards tonight, get them out there!
What’s with the Titans!? They’re playing better than anyone predicted (I know that’s my job right?) I’m gonna have to get my crystal ball recalibrated…
Brisbane is pretty crappy at the moment, but with several Bronco’s in contention for Origin spots, expect them to put in a big showing. Don’t necessarily expect a lot of points from them, but they’ll go hard.
I have no idea where the points are gonna come from in this game, so I’ll take a guess and say William Zillman. Who is Gold Coast’s second string, back-up goal kicker?
Parra are on fire at the moment. Well more correctly, Jarryd Hayne is. About time too. It’s only been 3 years since he was a threat to anyone.
To Benji or not Benji? Will he play this weekend is the question. The smart money is on “yes.” And the Dragons sure could use him. I say he plays, he sets up two tries, and the Dragons lose. Look for Josh Dugan to become a threat playing off Benji. This COULD be the miracle that Red V fans have been looking for since Saint Bennett left. However, the miracle will come NEXT week.
The struggling Sharks play the previously in-form Tigers. This match promises to look like Monday’s Sharks v Eels, though with less brilliance. I don’t foresee too much unexpectedness coming out of this game. This game will be make-or-break for Beau Ryan who has struggled to play first grade all season. I’d suggest it was time for him to put-up or shut-up, but does anyone think he’d actually ever shut up?
Is Luke Lewis a smokey to play for NSW? If he can have a big game in the #6 for the Sharks, he’ll surely have more people asking that question. This will also be the game that Gallen makes certain he is a Blues starter. Look for him to have a big one.
I see tries a-plenty in the Roosters v Cowboys match. Tupou and Jennings had 2 each last week, and it’s not unreasonable to see any of the backs in this match to bag a couple more. Actually, I say there WILL be a double to someone in this game. Got backs? Play ‘em.
Poor old Raiders. Isn’t this an even year? Doesn’t that mean Canberra are meant to make the finals this year? They’re gonna have to start mounting the big comeback soon…
I am quite confident that it could begin this week against the Panthers. Coming off that HUGE loss to the Warriors, the Green Machine will be firing on all cylinders and if the Panthers are complacent, the Raiders could roll them.
I foresee big things from the Raiders forwards, with two or three Workhorse tries in them. I get the feeling Penrith are going through the motions at the moment. No one is likely to press for Origin selection for Penrith, so there will be little to motivate them. Put your money on the Raiders!
Sure the Warriors blitzed the Raiders last week, but the Dogs will do the same to them this week. Oh boy are there points in this Doggies team. Play your Canterbury players this week!
I still have faith in the Knights, though it’s getting harder and harder to tell if they’ll ever start their 2014 campaign properly. A Manly side full of Origin hopefuls isn’t going to make their job any easier.
Remember the pictures of Chief Harragon and Terry Hill going at it, there’ll be some of that spirit in the match this week. Ooohh it’s gonna be exciting. Gidley will orchestrate points for the Knights, and the Eagles’ points are going to come from their outside backs. Brett Stewart will be keen to press for the Blues #1 jersey, so he should have a big game.
There it is kids, round 10. Best of luck, and we’ll see you back next week with some State of Origin predictions!
The Crystal Ballboy
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